I am your portion.

I've been trying to write this post for a week, and life just keeps happening all over the place.

See those four words in the title? See these four bracelets? They echo the same powerful story. They resonate with God's kindness. This is a post of shame and thanksgiving, of promise and delight.

Two weeks ago, Chad and I had our first home study visit and interviews. It went very well; we learned a lot. But as we sat talking with our case worker, I became more and more aware of looming payment deadlines. $40,000 dollars is a lot of money. Even broken up into 'manageable' bits, it started to seem daunting in a way it hadn't before. God has miraculously (and I do not use that word lightly) provided resources and encouragement for us and our waiting Colombian children continuously from the moment we announced our adoption. Why, then, did I suddenly decide that I needed to take control of that provision?
Lunacy.
Did I suddenly forget? Did I imagine God as insufficient?

This is the God who holds the universe together by his very word (Hebrews 1).
This is the God who parted a sea and delivered a nation (a nation!) (Exodus).
This is the one and only Lord of creation who died, who lives, who intercedes on my behalf though I am a traitor and a prodigal.

In some momentary lapse in sanity or surrender to the devil, I got the notion that I had to start busting my tail in the fundraising department.
The day after our home study visit, I had 120 (more) prints made to sell at Art in the Hills.
I wrote out for the tenth time the events calendar for our fundraising endeavors.
I set reminders on my phone for the Usborne Facebook party.
I ordered two more bundles of bracelets to sell.
I tried to make my own portion.

Guess what happened next. I got a letter saying Art in the Hills was cancelled. In my mind, that was supposed to be our big money-maker.
I read that letter and it felt like when, as a child, you're out somewhere with your momma, and you start fidgeting and getting all wound up, and she just reaches over and lays her hand on your forearm as if to silently tell you, "That's enough," because she raised you to act right, so you ought to know better.
It was a soft but firm nudge, and it got my attention.

Under direction from the Holy Spirit, I surrendered my fears and my need for control to Him. And YOU GUYS.
He is so good.
I backed off. I committed to relying on God and watching Him provide. I decided I would mention the next couple of planned fundraising events to my close friends, and that would be the extent of my involvement.
Have I mentioned how good the Lord is?

The Usborne party wrapped up and was a success (thank you)! Then my dear friends started a fundraising promotion through their small business. I reposted the info once on Facebook, and left it at that.
But then my order of bracelets arrived. That leather-filled box reminded me of my moments of weakness. I wasn't sure what to do with them. I didn't want to saturate the internet with more sales pitches. I prayed for God's help and took them to school. I sent ONE email to a few people who had asked about the bracelets.
I walked into school with 20 bracelets. I walked out with 8. Now I'm down to 4. All I did was sit in my classroom, and people just came. Or, rather, they were sent. Some people paid double as a special gift.
If that had been the only divine blessing, it would have been enough.
When I got home with my 8 bracelets, there was a note in our mailbox with a donation check. It was from friends of my parents. I didn't even know they had heard about the adoption.
Later, my friend came over that night and told me she had forgotten to pay me for several items I had sold to her the month before. She handed me a check.
Our state tax return was deposited the next morning.
My friend with the small business told me over dinner the next night that she had sold out of her product. Normally, according to her, you know how many you are going to sell from the start in a sale like this. People claim items early on, and the rest might not sell at all.
She prayed over her table of goods before the sale started.
They sold out. In one sitting.

What a sweet season we are walking through with our jehovah-jireh, our God who provides.
Perhaps there is a desert ahead. There might be a wilderness between us and our waiting children. But I have tasted water from the rock. He will not forsake us.

I love the Lord because he heard my plea for mercy, and listened to me. As long as I live, I will call to him when I need help. Psalm 116:1-2 

• Now that the first home study visit is over, we have stacks on stacks on stacks of paperwork to do, from physicals and employer letters to references and financial statements. We are three weeks in to this part of the process, which typically lasts eight to ten weeks. Once this is completed, we can be officially matched to our kids.
• The DOS, which governs all international adoption activity, revised the rules for matching. This change actually occurred the day before our home visit. We can no longer view the kids on the waitlist or write letters of intent for specific children until the home study is complete.

Please pray for us. Please pray that we would be obedient and glorify God throughout this process. And pray for the caretakers of orphans, in Colombia and everywhere. Pray that we would complete this process in a timely manner.

Thank you all, again, for the kind words, encouraging messages, donations, hugs, purchases, and prayers. I CAN NOT WAIT for you to meet our kids.

Now to him who by the power that is working within us is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21